First-Prize Winner:

The Ventriloquist Club of Great Britain

Ventriloquist Duologue Writer/Script-Writer

Silver Cup Award 2012

 

~ TERRY ADLAM ~

(Photograph: Michael Pearcy - words-pictures.co.uk

For the Press Articles on Terry Adlam's Award in the Competition

and his current and future Career plans - please scroll down below and read Articles at end of Scripts.

 

TERRY ADLAM – A Biography

I was born at a very early age and could swim and get out of sacks by the time I was two and a half. Due to my parents occupations, I have travelled extensively (They were master criminals on the run) and can speak fluent rubbish. I went to Cambridge and Oxford, for the day, and have a degree in falsification and PDH in dyslexia.

I’ve been writing comedy for as long as I can remember (which at my age is last Tuesday) and have had a modest amount of success on TV, radio and stage here in the UK as well as far flung places such as Germany, Denmark, Iceland, USA, Brazil and Prestwick.  I also created, co-wrote and directed a long forgotten Channel 4 animation show called ‘Dick Spanner PI’.  This was back in the late eighties when E-mail was something a Yorkshire postman delivered and a Flash Drive was a ride in an Aston Martin.

I’ve been told by some people that my body oozes comedy, well I think that’s what they mean when they say, ‘Doesn’t he smell funny.’

I’m currently writing for The Treason Show, a monthly topical comedy stage show based in Brighton, I’m also working on a sit-com, a 90 minute play, a novel and  on top of that, the back bedroom needs decorating as well!

 

I am ‘Well chuffed’  with this award and winning it twice in succession makes me ‘Well.  Well chuffed!’  I am also very, very keen to continue this success with writing duologues for ventriloquist and I’m more than happy and eager to take on commissions.

 

I am married with two wonderful daughters, two cats and a mortgage and live in the tropical splendour that is Slough.

To find out more about me either contact Scotland Yard, Interpol or The Dog and Duck on a Friday night or take a look at www.terryadlam.com.    Keep smiling!

 

(See Below: Press Article 'The Maidenhead Advertiser' - Terry Adlam:'Speechless at Comedy Honour')

 

First-Prize Winning Script: 'Shaz - The Questionable Chav' 

The Ventriloquist Club of Great Britain

Ventriloquist Duologue Writer/Script-Writer

Silver Cup Award 2012

 

Script Title:  ‘SHAZ - THE QUESTIONABLE CHAV’

By  Terry Adlam

Contact via - www.terryadlam.com

 

V: (The Vent is holding SHAZ who is a bit of a chav) Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my friend Sharon, she’s from Essex and likes to be called Shaz.

D: (Interrupts) YEAH BUT I AIN’T NO DUMMY, RIGHT.

 

V: Well, technically…

D: (Interrupts) NO LISTEN, RIGHT. JUST BECAUSE I’S COMES FROM ESSEX, GET MY SPRAY TAN FROM A RONSEAL TIN OF VARNISH, GOT MORE MAKE-UP THAN A BUS LOAD OF CLOWNS AND MY BODY IS MOSTLY ARTIFICIAL AND I SPEND MOST OF THE TIME WITH SOMEONES HAND UP MY JUMPER, DON’T MEAN I IS A CHAV, LIKE. I GOT A BRAIN, ME I HAVE.

V: Once again, technically…

D: ARE YOU SAYING I IS THICK? ARE YOU DISSING ME?

V: Am I what?

D: DISSING ME? ARE YOU SAYING I IS SO DENSE, I THINK THAT IKEA IS A ITALIAN LOCKSMITH?

V: No, not at all.

D: CAUSE IF YOU IS, I’M OUTTA HERE.

V: I’m sorry, it’s just when you said you wasn’t a dummy, it was slightly ironic because in fact you are a…

D: IRONIC? WHAT DO YOU THINK I IS? ONE OF THEM ‘EFFALETES’ FROM THEM TWENTY PAST TWELVE OLYMPICS?

V: Sorry?

D: THAT’S WHAT THEY DRINK, THOSE ‘IRONIC’ DRINKS.

V: I think you’ll find that is ‘Isotonic’.

D: NO WAY! ‘ISOTONIC’ IS WHAT YOU HAVE WITH GIN…

V: No, it’s not, it’s…

D: THOSE OLYMPICS, THEY WERE WELL SICK. I DIDN'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM WHEN THEY STARTED, BUT NOW I KNOW LOADS AND I’M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THEM AGAIN NEXT YEAR.

V: Pardon?

D: I IS LIKE WELL LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

V: Ah, you can't be, you see…

D: ARE YOU SAYING MY THONG IS ON FIRE?

V: Pardon?

D: I AIN’T NO LIAR.

V: I’m not saying you are, but you said…

D: ARE YOU PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH?

V: Technically, once again…

D: CAUSE I CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF.

V: I’m afraid, once again you can’t.

D: WHY NOT? I AIN’T NO DUMMY. RIGHT. I AIN’T LIKE THOSE PEOPLE ON THAT PROGRAMME.

V: What programme is that, Shaz?

D: YOU KNOW, WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID, LIKE, AND TALK ABSOLUTE RUBBISH ALL THE TIME?

V: You mean ‘The Only Way is Essex.’

D: NO ‘LOOSE WOMEN’. THEY IS SO THICK, THEY GIVE SHORT PLANKS A BAD NAME.

V: That’s not nice Shaz, they’re probably very nice people when you get to know them.

D: THEY NEED HELP.

V: And so do you. Without me you would…

D: WHAT YOU INCINERATING? ARE YOU SAYING I AIN’T NO INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO CAN'T STAND ON HER OWN TWO FEET? I AIN’T NO PUPPET, YOU MUPPET!

V: Look Shaz, I think I might have to explain a few things.

D: YEAH, YOU BETTER, CAUSE I AIN’T NO THICK AND CREAMY YOGURT, MY BRAIN IS LIKE A SPONGE.

V: Well you’re right there, your head is full of a lot of foam.

D: ARE YOU SAYING I’M SOFT IN THE HEAD?

V: Once again, technically yes and….

D: BUT I NEED TO KNOW FINGS.

V: Okay, well as I say, let me explain some things. You see I’m a ventriloquist and you are …

D: FINGS LIKE, OCCASIONAL TABLES, WHAT ARE THE REST OF THE TIME?

V: Pardon?

D: I NEEDS TO KNOW WHY DO FEET SMELL AND NOSES RUN? IF YOU IS CLEVER, THEN TELL ME WHY AIN’T THERE MOUSE FLAVOURED CAT FOOD? IF YOU CHOKED A SMURF, WHAT COLOUR WOULD IT GO? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’VE RUN OUT OF INVISIBLE INK? WHY DO THOSE KAMIKAZE PILOTS WEAR HELMETS AND WHY DO MOST SCREWDRIVERS BELONG TO THAT BLOKE, PHILLIP?

V: Wow, that’s a lot of questions.

D: I’S GOT MORE QUESTIONS THEN THAT ‘UNIVERSITY CHALLENGED’ WITH THAT JEREMY PACK-A-MAC.

V: Have you?

D: YEAH I HAS. LIKE, WHY IS ‘ABBREVIATION’ SUCH A LONG WORD? WHY IS ‘S’ IN THE WORD ‘LISP’? WHY IS DYSLEXIA SO DIFFICULT TO SPELL AND IF YOU WROTE A BOOK ON FAILURES AND IT DOESN’T SELL, IS IT A SUCCESS?

V: Well, that a good point. I think…

D: WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

V: I’m not sure…

D: WHY DON'T SHEEP SHRINK WHEN THEY GET WET? WHAT DO YOU PLANT TO GET SEEDLESS GRAPES? HOW DEEP WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT ALL THOSE SPONGES. WHY IS LEMON JUICE MADE WITH ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURING, BUT WASHING UP LIQUID CONTAINS REAL LEMONS? IT’S CRAZY MAN

 

V: It certainly is.

D: WHAT DOES CHEESE SAY WHEN IT’S HAVING ITS PHOTOGRAPH TAKEN? CAN YOU BE A CLOSET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? IF LOVE IS BLIND, WHY IS SEXY UNDERWEAR SO POPULAR?

V: Do you know what Shaz, I really don’t know?

D: THEN WHO’S THE DUMMY NOW? SAY ‘GOODNIGHT’.

V: Er ‘Goodnight’

D: FOLLOW ME. (SHAZ and the VENT exit. SHAZ is still asking questions) AND ANOTHER THING, IF THE WORLD’S A STAGE, WHERE DOES THE AUDIENCE SIT?

V: I don’t know

D: YOU IS WELL THICK!

-       End  -

Terry Adlam - Contact via - www.terryadlam.com

 

______________________________________________________________________

 

Second-Prize Winner: Keith Large 

The Ventriloquist Club of Great Britain

Ventriloquist Duologue Writer/Script-Writer

Silver Cup Award 2012

 

Second-Prize Winning Script: 'Hot Snow' 

The Ventriloquist Club of Great Britain

Ventriloquist Duologue Writer/Script-Writer

Silver Cup Award 2012

 

Script Title:  ‘HOT SNOW’

By  Keith Large

Contact via - www.carrotnapper.com

D: BRADLEY BOLT THE DUMMY: LARRY WHY WEREN’T YOU IN THEOLYMPICS?

The ventriloquist turns the dummy’s head to look down at the stage floor

V: Larry Last the ventriloquist: Because Bradley Bolt my canoe sank.

D: YOU COULD HAVE ENTERED THE CYCLING.

V: I got a puncture.

D: YOU COULD HAVE RAN THE MARATHON INSTEAD.

V: I didn’t qualify.

D: I DID.

The ventriloquist turns the dummy’s head to look up at his face

V: You took part in The Olympics?

D: NO THEY DROPPED MY EVENT.

V: You’re having me on?

D: THERE WAS NO SNOW ON THE HILLS.

V: You’ve got the wrong Olympics. You must have qualified for the winter Olympics.

D: I’M NOT TAKING PART IN THOSE.

The ventriloquist pulls the dummy’s head closer to his face

V: Why not?

D: IT’S TOO COLD.

V: It would be if it involves snow.

D: THIS WAS GOING TO BE ARTIFICIAL.

V: You mean hot snow?

The ventriloquist turns the dummy’s head to look down at the stage floor

D: I MEAN HOT SNOW.

V: The athletes would burn their feet.

D: NOT IF THEY’RE SAT INSIDE A TOBOGAN.

V: You can’t get hot snow.

D: YES YOU CAN.

V: Don’t be silly it would melt.

D: IT’S TEMPERATURE CONTROLLED.

V: Then it goes cold to stop it melting.

D: THAT’S WHY THEY CANCELLED THE EVENT. THEY COULDN’T STOP THE

SNOW MELTING WITHOUT IT GOING COLD!

The ventriloquist turns the dummy’s head to look up at his face

V: Like I said you can’t have hot snow.

D: I STILL WANT MY GOLD MEDAL.

V: You can’t have one if they never ran the event.

D: I WOULD HAVE WON.

V: What about the other competitors? They might have been faster down the slope.

D: I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO ENTERED.

V: That’s why they really cancelled the event. No competition.

D: I STILL DESERVE A MEDAL.

V: No you don’t, you wouldn’t compete if the snow was cold.

D: I DIDN’T TELL THE ORGANISERS THAT.

V: And you were the only competitor?

D: YES.

V: I suppose they should give you a gold medal.

The ventriloquist pulls the dummy’s head closer to his face

D: ARE YOU GOING TO PRESENT ME WITH ONE?

V: Only if you can get some hot snow!

 

- END -

Keith Large - Contact via - www.carrotnapper.com

 

______________________________________________________________________BELOW:   'The Maidenhead Advertiser' - Press Clipping

Article: 'Speechless At Comedy Honour' - Terry Adlam - Winner - The Ventriloquist Club of Great Britain

Ventriloquist Duologue-Scriptwriting Silver Cup Award 2012

 

PLUS:  2 Articles in 'Writers News' - Press Clippings

Article Titles: 'No Dummy'

 

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